I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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