I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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