You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
