Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
