if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
