i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
