just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
