dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
