i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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