who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
another moral hangover. fuck.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
