There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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