why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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