toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
