he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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