I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
