I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
