Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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