i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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