Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
