i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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