he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
