I want to have your abortion
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
