This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
