I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
