Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
where are you?
Hypothermia
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
