coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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