That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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