I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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