the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
