I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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