My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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