It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
