Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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