Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
