Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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