so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
