i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's never too late to be topless.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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