i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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