I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
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Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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