I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
