So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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