she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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