I seem to have left my pride at pride
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
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After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
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I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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