My liver just broke up with me...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
