my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
