And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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