people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
