I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
