ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
