I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
