I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
