When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
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