Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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