First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
