What did we do last night that was yellow?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
