Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
