this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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