btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
What a dumb baby whore.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
