I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
