so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
