I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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