you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
