You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
