glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
