Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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