I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She's the barista slut.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
