he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Barsexuality is the new black.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
