Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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