I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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