thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
