please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
