I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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