i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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